I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
