Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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