Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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