So drunk, too bad you don't want this
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
