And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
