i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
