I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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