i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
