Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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