The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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