My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
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