nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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