He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
