No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
