It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
