the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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