It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
