Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
