Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
