the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
