4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
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