I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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