so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is my gift to your gina
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
