my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
