Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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