we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
