Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
