the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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