Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
