I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize