Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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