Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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