you guys were way drunker than both of me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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