I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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