my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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