walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
