i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
