; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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