this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
