In America we eat man semen.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
