he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
