i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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