do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
