yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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