My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
