Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
