She said her name was "party"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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