girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
