You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it hurts more in the daytime
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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