I'm so fucking centered right now
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
