i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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