I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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