Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
