idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
