It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
