You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
