you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
