Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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