Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
