I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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