She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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