I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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