she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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