Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
