Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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