Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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