Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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