I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
