I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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