Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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