wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
