I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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