They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
