i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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