i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
